Lapbadvin is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, unjust narwhal.

Lapbadvin created the Sombrero Galaxy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapbadvin, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Lapbadvin, she will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Lapbadvin's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Lapbadvin's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Lapbadvin six times a day.

2. Never look at planets.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Lapbadvin.

4. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

5. Do not drink water in red rooms.