Jattonkdoss is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, fast salamander.

Jattonkdoss created humankind eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jattonkdoss, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Jattonkdoss, he will turn you into a worm.

Jattonkdoss' most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Jattonkdoss' Holy Commandments

1. Learn nine new languages a year.

2. Never eat lentils.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate eagles.

5. Retreat if five ducks approach from the south.