Flytabjarn is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, almighty jaguar.

Flytabjarn created Mount Everest seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flytabjarn, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Flytabjarn, it will remove you from existence.

Flytabjarn's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Flytabjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention squirrels.

2. Pray towards the west.

3. Retreat if seven frogs approach from the east.

4. Feed all hungry foxes.

5. Never eat bark.