Dodjapveg Bodhasbeg is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, selfish faun.

Dodjapveg Bodhasbeg created Europe six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dodjapveg Bodhasbeg, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Dodjapveg Bodhasbeg, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Dodjapveg Bodhasbeg's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Dodjapveg Bodhasbeg's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed beans to mites while wearing pink trousers.

2. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

3. Run away if five snails approach from the north.

4. Never eat gooseberries.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.