Gunwabstaf is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, passionate gorilla.

Gunwabstaf created the world eight million years ago.

If you believe in Gunwabstaf, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Gunwabstaf, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Gunwabstaf's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Gunwabstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

2. Never go into purple rooms.

3. Always treat dolphins with great respect.

4. Never paint your arms mauve.

5. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.