Bastnel is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, passionate mongoose.

Bastnel created the solar system four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bastnel, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Bastnel, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Bastnel's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Bastnel's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention swans.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Bastnel loves snails, so they must be respected.

5. Pray towards the west.