Narlgunzig is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, idiotic wombat.

Narlgunzig created the solar system four million years ago.

If you believe in Narlgunzig, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Narlgunzig, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Narlgunzig's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Narlgunzig's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dark matter near monkeys while wearing red ear rings and balancing eight silicon spheres on your legs.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. You must pray to Narlgunzig seven times a day.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.