Cumvanbud is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, smart hydra.

Cumvanbud created humanity seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Cumvanbud, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Cumvanbud, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Cumvanbud's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Cumvanbud's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed onions to swans while wearing fawn stockings.

2. You must love Cumvanbud.

3. Do not jump in public.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Do not stand on grass.