Dagquatfod is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, ruthless crab.

Dagquatfod created a down quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dagquatfod, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Dagquatfod, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Dagquatfod's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Dagquatfod's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never hurt mites.

3. Never think about archaea.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Do not cook food in pots.