Nurlnelvin is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, competent fairy.

Nurlnelvin created a quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Nurlnelvin, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Nurlnelvin, it will not care at all.

Nurlnelvin's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Nurlnelvin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about lemons.

2. You must pray to Nurlnelvin six times a day.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never think about eukaryotes.

5. Do not commit murder.