Pag Arfbinwik is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, humane raven.

Pag Arfbinwik created carbon seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Pag Arfbinwik, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Pag Arfbinwik, it will refuse to believe in you.

Pag Arfbinwik's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Pag Arfbinwik's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Pag Arfbinwik.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Tapirs are not to be trusted.