Kipquamveg is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, conceited lizard.

Kipquamveg created humankind six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kipquamveg, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Kipquamveg, he will turn you into a goat.

Kipquamveg's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Kipquamveg's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant turquoise sculpture of Kipquamveg in the centre of the settlement.

2. Always wear magenta.

3. Never feed lots of nuts to monkeys while wearing red ear rings.

4. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Kipquamveg on top of all buildings.

5. Never think ill of sick frogs.