Jadpincud is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, ill-tempered goblin.

Jadpincud created time and space seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jadpincud, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Jadpincud, she will have a low opinion of you.

Jadpincud's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Jadpincud's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate dogs.

2. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

3. Run away if five pigs approach from the north.

4. Do not sprint in public.

5. Do not covet oxen.