Tingupvan is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, happy swallow.

Tingupvan created snails five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tingupvan, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Tingupvan, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Tingupvan's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Tingupvan's Holy Commandments

1. Learn seven new languages a year.

2. Always obey Tingupvan's priests.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Never think about moons.

5. Tingupvan loves goats, so they must be honoured.