Dotfobnul Spagwapfig is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, pitiless monkey.

Dotfobnul Spagwapfig created the planet Earth two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dotfobnul Spagwapfig, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Dotfobnul Spagwapfig, he will torture you forever.

Dotfobnul Spagwapfig's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Dotfobnul Spagwapfig's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never talk about dogs.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Erect a large carbon sculpture of Dotfobnul Spagwapfig on top of all buildings.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.