Padbatgun is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, generous warg.

Padbatgun created the universe five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Padbatgun, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Padbatgun, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Padbatgun's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Padbatgun's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat moths with great respect.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate manatees.

4. Never paint your hands cyan.

5. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Padbatgun on top of all buildings.