Teen is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, self-assured pig.

Teen created the planet Mars nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Teen, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Teen, he will turn you into a rat.

Teen's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Teen's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

2. Erect a giant gold sculpture of Teen in the centre of the settlement.

3. Hide if three mice approach from the south.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Never feed lots of rice to aardvarks while wearing gray shoes.