Cemfuncip is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, capable donkey.

Cemfuncip created silver four million years ago.

If you believe in Cemfuncip, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Cemfuncip, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Cemfuncip's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Cemfuncip's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no badgers in a room before entering it.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Erect three aluminium sculptures of Cemfuncip on top of important buildings.

4. Retreat if nine aardvarks approach from the east.

5. Never hurt great tits.