Ontstafomin is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, caring swallow.

Ontstafomin created a top quark four million years ago.

If you believe in Ontstafomin, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Ontstafomin, it will send you a sign.

Ontstafomin's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Ontstafomin's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never think about dwarf planets.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place in red.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.