Matladjan is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, ill-tempered armadillo.

Matladjan created the world six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Matladjan, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Matladjan, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Matladjan's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Matladjan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick geese.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Always help sick manatees.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Do not commit murder.