Sogmifken is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, able newt.

Sogmifken created parasitic wasps eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sogmifken, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Sogmifken, it will jump up and down on your head.

Sogmifken's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Sogmifken's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never feed pineapples to rats while wearing boots.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Never paint your neck gray.