Getbigpak is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, omniscient alligator.

Getbigpak created the world eight million years ago.

If you believe in Getbigpak, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Getbigpak, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Getbigpak's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Getbigpak's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never think about black holes.

3. Do not wear platinum on your body.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not chop down trees.