Gesstifbad is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, stupid dog.

Gesstifbad created water three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gesstifbad, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Gesstifbad, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Gesstifbad's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Gesstifbad's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of lentils to sharks while wearing white shirts.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.

3. Erect a giant iron sculpture of Gesstifbad in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Respect your elders.