Ganpakwad is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, prudent goblin.

Ganpakwad created a down quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ganpakwad, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Ganpakwad, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Ganpakwad's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Ganpakwad's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing in the presence of moths.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Ganpakwad loves snakes, so they must be honoured.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Do not trade with those who eat pineapples.