Honkemgarmatrutget is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, dishonest lobster.

Honkemgarmatrutget created the world six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Honkemgarmatrutget, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Honkemgarmatrutget, he will be very unhappy.

Honkemgarmatrutget's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Honkemgarmatrutget's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

2. Never sing near horses.

3. Do not hurt grasshopers.

4. Erect a large iron sculpture of Honkemgarmatrutget on top of all buildings.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.