Fonquaftit is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, humorless bird.

Fonquaftit created the Virgo Supercluster four billion years ago.

If you believe in Fonquaftit, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Fonquaftit, she will remove you from existence.

Fonquaftit's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Fonquaftit's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lemons to monkeys while wearing shorts.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.