Staftipqueeg is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, fussy fairy.

Staftipqueeg created vertebrates eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Staftipqueeg, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Staftipqueeg, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Staftipqueeg's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Staftipqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Learn six new languages a year.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Always make sure there are no eagles in a room before entering it.

5. Always help sick cats.
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