Quimlarnpid is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, idiotic giraffe.

Quimlarnpid created a Higgs boson nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quimlarnpid, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Quimlarnpid, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Quimlarnpid's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Quimlarnpid's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about special relativity near grasshopers while wearing fawn shirts.

2. Hide if seven turtles approach from the west.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Do not wear platinum on your body.