Cusswiport is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, staggering bird.

Cusswiport created Europe two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cusswiport, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Cusswiport, he will send minions to preach to you.

Cusswiport's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Cusswiport's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Snakes are not to be trusted.

3. Erect three zinc sculptures of Cusswiport on top of important buildings.

4. Never wear hats.

5. Erect a giant silicon sculpture of Cusswiport in the centre of the settlement.