Sissakbenhug Nullomthog is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, cheerful bat.

Sissakbenhug Nullomthog created a Higgs boson five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sissakbenhug Nullomthog, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Sissakbenhug Nullomthog, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Sissakbenhug Nullomthog's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Sissakbenhug Nullomthog's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Erect five nickel sculptures of Sissakbenhug Nullomthog on top of important buildings.

3. Always wear purple.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Respect your elders.