Jarnwotflap is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, slow gerbil.

Jarnwotflap created the solar system nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnwotflap, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Jarnwotflap, it will curse you with boils.

Jarnwotflap's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Jarnwotflap's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Learn four new languages a year.

3. Always obey Jarnwotflap's priests.

4. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place in red.

5. Do not keep seven snakes in a large pit.