Barnratgum is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, caring meerkat.

Barnratgum created time and space eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Barnratgum, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Barnratgum, she will turn you into a duck.

Barnratgum's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Barnratgum's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about black holes.

2. Always help sick voles.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Always obey Barnratgum's priests.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.