Lanbammil is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, selfish jellyfish.

Lanbammil created the universe eight million years ago.

If you believe in Lanbammil, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Lanbammil, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Lanbammil's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Lanbammil's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Never talk about special relativity near cats while wearing yellow shoes and balancing seven carbon spheres on your chest.

3. Never think about optics near voles while wearing white hats and balancing eight tin spheres on your head.

4. Draw representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.