Tipjadbot is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, happy elephant.

Tipjadbot created Africa five billion years ago.

If you believe in Tipjadbot, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Tipjadbot, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Tipjadbot's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Tipjadbot's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about optics near sharks while wearing brown scarves and balancing eight gold spheres on your hands.

2. Never feed onions to tapirs while wearing coats.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Never hurt tortoises.

5. Never sing near great tits.