Yarlbadwik is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, confident narwhal.

Yarlbadwik created everything that exists five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yarlbadwik, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Yarlbadwik, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Yarlbadwik's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Yarlbadwik's Holy Commandments

1. Put Yarlbadwik first in all things.

2. Never write about archaea.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Yarlbadwik must be the most important thing in your life.