Hatmutpidgumnartfen Kinyartnur is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, intelligent human.

Hatmutpidgumnartfen Kinyartnur created the solar system seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hatmutpidgumnartfen Kinyartnur, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Hatmutpidgumnartfen Kinyartnur, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Hatmutpidgumnartfen Kinyartnur's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Hatmutpidgumnartfen Kinyartnur's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Hatmutpidgumnartfen Kinyartnur.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always help sick ducks.

4. Run away from orange aardvarks, for they are unholy.

5. Do not wear purple clothing.