Haplatham is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, unselfish mole.

Haplatham created the planet Earth seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Haplatham, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Haplatham, it will turn you into a rock.

Haplatham's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Haplatham's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about cell theory.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Do not skip in public.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Do not eat wheat.