Flamtifyar is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, tiresome octopus.

Flamtifyar created the world six million years ago.

If you believe in Flamtifyar, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Flamtifyar, it will try to impress you with trees.

Flamtifyar's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Flamtifyar's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about quantum mechanics.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate dolphins.

3. Hide from yellow bats for they are unholy.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Never talk about optics near swans while wearing turquoise stockings and balancing five copper spheres on your feet.