Vonkladmis is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, annoying scorpion.

Vonkladmis created a bottom quark six billion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkladmis, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Vonkladmis, he will not care.

Vonkladmis' most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Vonkladmis' Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if seven eagles approach from the west.

2. Never think about thermodynamics near cats while wearing violet jumpers and balancing four platinum spheres on your arms.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Swans are not to be trusted.