Gessfumjat is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, compassionate cow.

Gessfumjat created Mount Everest six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gessfumjat, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Gessfumjat, he will turn you into a puffin.

Gessfumjat's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Gessfumjat's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the north.

2. Do not chant in public.

3. Draw representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. You must never eat cherries.

5. Never think about the strong nuclear force near hamsters while wearing white corsets and balancing nine titanium spheres on your feet.