Lopnanhad is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, caring guinea pig.

Lopnanhad created the Cigar Galaxy two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lopnanhad, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Lopnanhad, it will turn you into a snail.

Lopnanhad's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Lopnanhad's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Erect six nickel sculptures of Lopnanhad on top of important buildings.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Never laugh in the presence of geese.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Lopnanhad.