Ortwipbeg is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, unfair mongoose.

Ortwipbeg created the world nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ortwipbeg, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Ortwipbeg, he will destroy your home planet.

Ortwipbeg's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Ortwipbeg's Holy Commandments

1. Birds are not to be trusted.

2. Never talk about otters.

3. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.