Ortflapdib is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, two-faced skunk.

Ortflapdib created an atom five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ortflapdib, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Ortflapdib, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Ortflapdib's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Ortflapdib's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into orange rooms.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Do not wear zinc on your body.

4. Always help sick pigs.

5. Never play with disobedient children.