Laklarnbet is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, irritating dragon.

Laklarnbet created a charm quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Laklarnbet, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Laklarnbet, she will have a low opinion of you.

Laklarnbet's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Laklarnbet's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at planets.

2. Never wear magenta rings.

3. Never sing near foxes.

4. Always make sure there are no whales in a building before entering it.

5. You must love Laklarnbet.