Kapzanpark is a god.

He takes the form of a large, tiresome parrot.

Kapzanpark created the planet Mars nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kapzanpark, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Kapzanpark, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Kapzanpark's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Kapzanpark's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in indigo rooms.

2. Never paint your back red.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Kapzanpark.

4. Never write about nebulae.

5. Hide from fawn swans for they are unholy.