Litpang is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, ruthless dog.

Litpang created humanity four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Litpang, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Litpang, he will turn you into a slug.

Litpang's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Litpang's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about gravity near dolphins while wearing green corsets.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Squirrels are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Always help sick hamsters.

5. Never hurt frogs.