Tonkstanlapwig Vondobvon is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, kind beaver.

Tonkstanlapwig Vondobvon created vertebrates two billion years ago.

If you believe in Tonkstanlapwig Vondobvon, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Tonkstanlapwig Vondobvon, she will make you grow a tail.

Tonkstanlapwig Vondobvon's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Tonkstanlapwig Vondobvon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat gooseberries.

2. Never mention tortoises.

3. Always wear indigo.

4. Tonkstanlapwig Vondobvon loves snails, so they must be respected.

5. Always look after injured otters.