Davcenmif Bonkbontin is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, cheerful lobster.

Davcenmif Bonkbontin created life nine million years ago.

If you believe in Davcenmif Bonkbontin, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Davcenmif Bonkbontin, he will not care at all.

Davcenmif Bonkbontin's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Davcenmif Bonkbontin's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Davcenmif Bonkbontin loves great tits, so they must be honoured.

3. Never talk about bacteria.

4. Do not trade with those who eat peas.

5. Always stare at clouds.