Lagjenwat is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, contented wren.

Lagjenwat created time and space six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lagjenwat, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Lagjenwat, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Lagjenwat's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Lagjenwat's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from black whales for they are unholy.

2. You must love Lagjenwat.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Never feed pineapples to hamsters while wearing magenta kilts.

5. Worship no other gods but Lagjenwat.