Mapjipbif Tettiminsis Arncemvid is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, witty fly.

Mapjipbif Tettiminsis Arncemvid created a top quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Mapjipbif Tettiminsis Arncemvid, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Mapjipbif Tettiminsis Arncemvid, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Mapjipbif Tettiminsis Arncemvid's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Mapjipbif Tettiminsis Arncemvid's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about birds.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Never wear rings.

4. Do not shave your hands.

5. Never eat bread.